


To Lose Breath

by SunshiineBeetle



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Juno Steel Needs a Hug, M/M, Mentions Sarah Steel and Diamond, Not Beta Read, Trauma, need i say more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29819172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshiineBeetle/pseuds/SunshiineBeetle
Summary: Something was wrong. Juno Steel would have grabbed her blaster, turned it around, and fired it at her by now. Hell, Juno Steel would have been able to get out of her distracted hold on him. Peter looked closer. Juno Steel wouldn't have a faraway and panicked look, let alone tears in his eyes during a scuffle. Something was deeply wrong.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 76





	To Lose Breath

**Author's Note:**

> !!Please be warned that this fic is focused around choking and trauma related to choking. Caution is advised!!
> 
> Me? Projecting onto Juno steel? More likely than you think.

It all happened so quickly, there was nothing Peter could do to stop it. 

They'd been on a simple mission- just get some fuel for the Carte Blanche... and of course, when you're part of the Aurinko crime family, fueling up meant stealing. In and out, not hard in the slightest. Peter had done easier jobs with his hands tied behind his back. Alas, Buddy had sent him and Juno out together.. something about "team building," and "trust," and "stop making out on the couch you animals."

It was as they were taking the third and final tank out to the Carte Blanche that they heard the faint sound of a toilet flushing. Peter looked in the direction of the noise with wild eyes, standing like a - how _filthy_! The employee didn't even take the time to wash his hands- proven by how quickly the door slid open. Juno and Peter were stuck in place, unable to set down the large tank that they were working together to carry in time. Peter made eye contact with the guard, then with Juno. Shit. 

Juno dropped his end of the heavy container and reached for his blaster in typical Detective Steel fashion, right as the man pulled out his comms. Suddenly bearing the full weight of the tank on his body which was meant more for stealth than _carrying of a few hundred creds worth of raw fuel_ , Peter promptly lurched forward and got his hands jammed under the container, letting out a pained shout. Juno's shot went wide as he turned and immediately fumbled, tipping the container back to free Nureyev. But the security had already been alerted. 

Ignoring the throbbing in his fingers, Peter reached back for his comms and pinged Buddy twice in quick succession, not bothering to check if she picked up- the "oh shit" signal as Vespa liked to call it. Juno quickly stunned the guard with a couple of shots from his blaster. His aim had been improving quite beautifully even with his missing eye thanks to Buddy's insistence that he spend a couple hours every solar day practicing. He still didn't hit every time, but he was a quick enough shot to make up for it. 

Security quickly charged in, blasters at the ready as Peter and Juno flung themselves behind cover. Having nothing readily available to defend himself, Nureyev reached into his coat and pulled out.. a fork? He tossed it aside. A comb, some caffeine capsules, a pair of fake glasses.. Why did he even _have_ fake glasses? He was painfully blind without his prescription lenses.. Aha! A plasma cutter! He engaged the blade and held it at the ready, waiting for the nearest guard to get close enough for him to strike. 

He listened expertly as footsteps grew closer, closer.. he struck like a snake, leaping forward onto the guard and knocking him to the ground as he plunged the blade into his shoulder. With a click of the blade, it turned off and Nureyev plucked the blaster from where it was spinning on the ground. He quickly discharged a shot into the prone man- lucky for him, he'd set it to stun. You reap what you sow and all. 

Swiveling around, he saw as Juno tried to grapple with another guard, but she ultimately slammed his back into a wall. In the time it took Peter to dispatch the next guard, she had him by the throat, his hands shakily trying to pry her fingers off. Looking around herself and seeing her two comrades on the ground, she held her blaster to Juno's chest and shouted, "stay back!" 

Something was wrong. Juno Steel would have grabbed her blaster, turned it around, and fired it at her by now. Hell, Juno Steel would have been able to get out of her distracted hold on him. Peter looked closer. Juno Steel wouldn't have a faraway and panicked look, let alone tears in his eyes during a scuffle. Something was _deeply_ wrong. 

Suddenly the security guard stiffened as she was hit by a stun shot. She met the ground roughly, her grip on Juno lost, but he stayed deathly still with his back against the wall. Peter barely even glanced at Vespa, who was still holding her blaster aloft, before rushing over to his partner's side. Juno had his hands in a weak defensive position in front of him like he was trying futilely to keep all the bad in the world away.

Peter finally got to him, grasping his shoulders and trying to see what was wrong. "Juno? Juno! What happened dear?" He tried to make eye contact with the shaking lady in front of him, but his wide eyes didn't focus on anything. His brow moved faintly and he seemed to be reacting to something, but there was nothing around. Faint protests streamed from his lips as he gasped for air that was readily available to him. "Juno, I-" Nureyev lifted a hand to cup his lover's face, but he only flinched away. 

"What the fuck is taking so long? Now really isn't the time to start getting all touchy. Jet's got the tank, so just get your asses back to the ship." Vespa shouted.

"Vespa I swear- This _isn't_ what you- Juno's-" He looked at Juno. Would he be comfortable with the crew seeing him like this? Would he be comfortable with _Peter_ seeing him like this? "Yes, yes, we'll be right over." He took Juno's hand ever so slowly and gave it a squeeze. "Dearest, we really have to go-" Looking for any form of response, he could find none. Wherever Juno was, it certainly wasn't here. Letting out a sigh and shifting on his feet, Peter closed his eyes and mentally kicked himself. Come on, Nureyev. If you don't get him out of here soon, we might get into worse trouble than we're already in. "I'm so sorry love, but I have no choice." 

With a great deal of effort, he hoisted Juno into his arms and walked as quickly as his legs could carry them back to the Carte Blanche, holding his partner close. As he entered the ship, he made a beeline for his room, much to Buddy's protests. "I'm terribly sorry, but Juno was stunned and he really must have a rest," He explained far too quickly, not even turning around to look at their captain.

"Shouldn't he go to the med-"

"He'll be fine!! He'll be okay." He said more to himself than to Buddy. She didn't push it. 

He was struggling to hold Juno by the time he got to his room, sitting him down on the bed and taking a breather. Without all the outside noise, he could more clearly hear what he was saying. "St..stop.. Mmm..mm. Nnn..Noo..ooo.." His voice was scared and strained like he was struggling for air. 

"Juno, dear, you're safe. We're back in the Carte Blanche. It's just us." He took Juno's hand and squeezed it gently, anxiety fluttering in his chest. What was he supposed to do? How could he help? Juno wasn't responding.. 

Peter's comms pinged- a message.. from Vespa? 

_-Hey Ransom. Buddy told me something's up with Steel and you didn't bring him to me, so I assume it's personal. But seeing as I'm literally the only doctor on the ship, I thought I'd at least offer my advice if you need it. What's wrong?-_

His hands shook as he typed out a reply. 

_-I don't know. He isn't responding and he seems upset and hurt- And his eyes.. Even when I look directly into them it's like he isn't looking at me.-_

He chewed on the inside of his cheek as he waited for her to respond. He kicked the nervous habit long ago- it gave him away too often- but he had little keeping him calm right now.

- _Shit. Okay. He needs to be grounded. Get anything that can make him feel like he's in the present. Smells, tastes, touches (don't do anything that would make him uncomfortable obviously.)- I assume he can't see or hear you... Listen, sometimes you just have to wait this shit out. I'd be there, but I know he trusts you a fuck ton more than me, and he needs a peaceful environment so Rita's out of the question. It sucks, but you just... Just be there for him when he comes back to. Make sure he feels safe.-_

Even though she wasn't in the room, Nureyev nodded as he read her messages, tears prickling in his eyes. Putting his comms back into his pocket with shaky hands he stood in thought. Familiar tastes, feelings, smells.. Oh! 

He stumbled across the room with an uncharacteristic lack of grace and opened a drawer, eyes on the prize. His cologne. He dabbed a hefty amount on his wrist and returned to Juno. Cupping his lover's face, gently and hesitantly at first, he began to wipe away the tears on his cheeks. With his other hand, he intertwined his fingers with Juno's, gently squeezing his hand in a slow rhythm. "Juno..." He sighed, love and concern on his lips. "I'm so sorry.. I'm so, so sorry dear. But I'm here with you now. You're safe, I promise." 

They sat in the relative silence for a few minutes, Juno's eyes squeezed tightly shut. Peter listened carefully to his love as his strangled breathing gradually returned to normal and his face relaxed. At some point he seemed to deliberately smell the air and shortly after he murmured, "N.. Nur.. Nureyev?" His eyes still looked distant, but his shoulders relaxed slightly. He leaned into Peter's touch and blinked slowly. 

"Juno.." He whispered, a resurgence of tears filling his eyes. Sniffling, he squeezed Juno's hand once more before bringing it to his mouth and kissing it. "It's me, love. You're safe." Though his eyes were still distant, he seemed to be blinking, his eyebrows drawing together in a weak attempt to focus.

"Where am- are.. we?" He muttered, his voice dry and quiet. He squeezed his eyes shut and blinked a few times, looking around sluggishly like he couldn't quite understand what he was seeing. 

"We're on the Carte Blanche, dear."

Juno slowly ran his hand over the mattress, looking down as he grabbed a handful of the covers. "This isn't my bed.." 

"I took you to my room." A small smile dared dance across his lips. Juno nodded like he didn't quite understand but wasn't willing to ask for Peter to repeat himself. Stubborn detective. He lifted his head slowly.

For the first time since the mission, Juno looked at Nureyev and the thief could feel his heart break... the weight of his gaze was unbearable. Juno Steel carried a pain in his eye that he'd never let anyone see the full extent of before, raw and all consuming. He turned his head away and the crushing heaviness lingered in Peter's chest. The detective swallowed heavily before speaking. "Can.. Um.. I want...." His raspy whispers trailed off as he worried the sheets between his fingers.

"Anything, my love."

"...Please hold me." 

Without a moment's hesitation, Peter leaned forward and took Juno into his arms. He wanted nothing more than to hold him for eternity, giving him whatever comfort he needed and anchoring him to the present. "Of course. Of _course_ , Juno. I'd do anything for you." He felt Juno's arms wrap around him, hands clinging loosely to the back of his shirt. 

He pressed gentle kisses to the side of Juno's head, wishing he could reach his lady's face; alas, it was pressed into his shoulder. He could hear sniffling over the quiet hum of the ship. "I'm sorry I.. I just..." Juno trailed off, his grip on Peter's shirt tightening as a sob shook his entire body. 

Nureyev only wrapped his arms tighter around his love, slowly rubbing his back. "Think nothing of it, dear. You're safe." 

\----------

After a few minutes of quiet tears and reassuring murmurs, Nureyev felt Juno shift in his arms. It was a subtle movement, like the tension he'd wound so tightly within himself slowly started to release. With a sigh, he shifted his weight off of Peter to rub at his puffy eyes. 

"You have any tissues in here? I don't want to make your shirt any worse." 

Peter lightly chuckled, stepping over to a nearby pile of clothing, picking up a different shirt, reaching into a pocket that Juno didn't even notice was there otherwise, and producing a handkerchief. "You know I don't mind, love. Nothing a good wash won't amend." He handed Juno the cloth as he sat back down. "Don't worry, it's clean."

Juno cracked a shaky smile as he took Peter's offering. "You're a novelty, Nureyev." He ignored the thief's mock indignation as he unceremoniously blew his nose. It took all of Peter's willpower to not immediately start peppering kisses all over Juno's face as soon as he pulled the handkerchief away. Instead, he took his free hand and slowly rose it to his lips for a gentle kiss. 

"How are you feeling, dearest?" He allowed the worry to cross his features, moving to lace his fingers through Juno's.

"Pretty shit considering..." He paused. Peter watched as a mix of emotions racked him, and he eventually dropped his gaze to the bed. "You know." He took a deep breath.

Nureyev only hummed in agreement, alternating between kissing his lady's hand and tracing small shapes on it with his finger. "I'm so sorry, love. I wish I'd have gotten there faster."

Juno chuckled bitterly, more at the situation than at Nureyev. "I'm just surprised it hasn't happened sooner. I've gotten into a shit ton of fights and nobody ever really ch-" He cut off as emotions overwhelmed him, pausing in his one-handed gestures for just a moment. He rubs his neck and clears his throat before continuing. "Choked me before. Well. After.. them." He's back to squeezing his eyes shut, drawing his knees up close to himself. He holds onto Nureyev's hand like it's a lifeline. 

"Juno.." His voice is quiet and full of hurt. Hurt that anyone would ever treat his lady so badly. Hurt that he couldn't have prevented it. Hurt that Juno had to go through this. That he had to live in a universe where someone would willingly hurt _him_. "You don't have to talk about if it's going to be painful. I don't want you to hurt, dear." Another kiss ghosted across the back of his hand.

"No, no. I. I _want_ to. I want to talk about it and I want you to know. I just." He took a deep breath, blinking hard. "It's hard. To think about. And it's hard to talk when I can still-" He chokes down a sob. "Still _feel_ it." He grits his teeth and with a frustrated noise, he rips off his jacket before returning his hand to Peter's. "Can't even wear a scarf on the bad days. That fucking jacket is a double edged knife. Sometimes the collar is like a barrier from everything else, and sometimes it's suffocating." He rambles, shifting closer. 

Juno leans into his boyfriend with a sigh. "At first it was just my mom, being... her. She'd get mad and- hey- I guess a good way to get your kid with a mouth too big for his own good to finally shut up is to make him run out of air." He said bitterly, tightening his hold on Peter's hand. "And it was fine when I finally fucking got away from her. Then one night.. Diamond found out that it was an automatic argument winner and.. Well, she was rough with me before, but now that there was a surefire way to shut me up, I never had a proper disagreement with her again. Told me that it was for my own good." He turns slightly and hides his face in Nureyev's shoulder, trying to hold back the shakes and sobs.

Icy fire ran through Peter's veins. If he ever met Diamond, she wouldn't have the chance to get a single word in. It almost made him disappointed that Sarah Steel wasn't alive anymore so he could kill her himself. But right now Juno didn't need anger, he needed comfort. Peter took in a deep breath and forced all his fury to a very deep file labeled _"for future action"_ before turning and taking his lady in his arms again. "I'm so sorry, love. I.. I can't imagine.." He rubs his dearest detective's back slowly, pressing kisses to his head. 

Eventually, Juno falls asleep in his arms. He'd worn himself out emotionally and physically and Peter didn't blame him at all. He very carefully lays him down and takes off his shoes, tucking him into bed. He leaves briefly to get a cup of water and a small packaged snack from the kitchen, where he runs into Vespa and Buddy deciding what should be for dinner.

"He doing alright?" Vespa says in an air of nonchalance, but her concern is apparent. 

Peter nods reverently, the tightness in his shoulders slowly unraveling. "He fell asleep after quite a heavy talk. If you don't mind, I'd like to skip dinner in favour ensuring that he is taken care of when he awakes." He grabs an extra nutrient bar from the cabinet, anticipating her answer. 

Buddy and Vespa visibly relax, and the tension in the room all but dissipates. "Of course dear." She smiles graciously, wrapping her hands around her glass of scotch. "If you two feel up to it, we did have a movie night planned.." She mentions, not expecting any certain answer. A mere offer of company.

"I'll be sure to extend the invitation, Captain." He smiles, turning to walk back to his room. 

\----------

He gently sets the food and water down on a desk near his bed, having to move aside a few objects that probably shouldn't be there. Changing into more worthy sleep attire, his skin crawls at the realization that Buddy and Vespa saw him wearing a mess of a shirt. He sighs, disregarding the fact. Without a doubt, having a slight dent in his appearance was absolutely worth supporting Juno. 

He climbed into bed as subtly as he could, gently wrapping himself around Juno and adjusting the covers to make them both comfortable. With a whispered "I love you", and a kiss on the temple so gentle that one might be convinced it never happened, Peter Nureyev allows himself to drift off to sleep next to his love.

**Author's Note:**

> They end up skipping the movie and just cuddling for the rest of the night. A lady needs his comfort.
> 
> This is my first fic that I've finished and I'm pretty happy with it! Feel free to comment and kudos, but no pressure <3


End file.
